Random musings, opinions, thoughts, rants, and contradictions of an educated Black female born in the late '70s from Washington, DC. BE FORWARNED: I have a potty mouth, and I sometimes use the n word more than I should. I prefer mine with an a, however. So if those things bother you, you may wanna keep it movin'.
A Little About D-
Name::D- From::Washington, D.C., United States
I am a young, spirited, articulate African American female. I am definitely not perfect, but I work hard to make each day better than the previous. I am quite opinionated and can be passionate about issues that I truly believe in. Anything else you want to know - ASK! THE POEM ABOVE WAS WRITTEN BY TUPAC AMARU SHAKUR. More About D-
Mood Music: 24 Hour Blue (Just One of Those Days) by Vivian Green from A Love Story
Today has been a day from hell!!! My job and the students truly stressed me the fuck out. I woke up knowing that it was going to be one of those days because I immediately had a headache. I was running 10 minutes late and barely managed to slick my hair back into a ponytail. I had a parent meeting the first thing this morning and that was a waste of time because once again I have parents telling me that they don't know what to do with their child. Even before the stupid ass meeting, I walk in to a TO DO list on my desk in preparation for a big ass visitor this week. Then, my boss comes in to report that 7 girls from my mentoring group showed their asses on the field trip this past Saturday! Did I fail to mention that grades were due by COB??? I sure do need an herbal remedy to help me relax, relate, release. Too bad it's only Monday. I thought that I would be able to post as I usually do on Sunday. But, shit got thick. So here I am now with a mini-recap of my weekend.
Because I need as much positivity as I can get right now, I will start with the good:
Saturday was a beautiful day in Chocolate City! The sun was shining and the skies were blue. So you know it was all good, especially for a gurl with a diamond ring! LOL! But I am happy to proclaim that love is back in the air. Since our last blow out, Jubb has been drinking his Act Right faithfully each morning. LMBAO!! But seriously, we have been doing well and have been actually working to finalize the wedding plans. I have no doubt that our ideas, along with the talented work of AFC, will produce a beautiful wedding. ('sup Tam!)
Bad shit:
My great-grandmother has been in the hospital for the past two weeks now. I haven't blogged about it because I haven't really been able to face it. Grandma had been complaining about upset stomach for weeks. Two Mondays ago she was admitted to the hospital because her doctor didn't like what was going on with her stomach. With the initial tests they weren't sure if it was Pancreatic cancer. Well they ruled that out and said that she had some sort of strand of Hepatitis; one other than the usual A, B, or C strands. Her eyes and skin had jaundiced(yellowed). So they have her moved from a hospital in Mo County to Johns Hopkins in B-more because the Mo County docs don't really know how to treat her. At this time, I'm not too stressed because they have at least ruled out cancer and are moving towards treatment. Well this past weekend I found out that she does have cancer; cancer of the bile and liver or some shit. I was so fucked up when my aunt told me that I didn't really pay attention to the exact name of the cancer. Basically she has a tumor near her liver. I am just so scared! She is 85 years old, y'all. They are saying that they think that they can operate and remove the tumor, but it will take a 6 hour surgery! I am trying to be strong and think positively. But, Grandma is basically one of only a few family members who are truly supportive of me and my success.
Well, I'm too busy to write much more right now. Gotta get ready for the big visitor, so I am on the grind to make sure that my game is tight. I will let you guys know who the visitor is in my next post. Until then....
D- Said It@ ::
6:55 PM ::
4 Said Something About It
It's Friday and I am in a good mood! I'm listening to one of my favorite cds, Raphael Saadiq's Instant Vintage. Check out the video of him with D'Angelo before his dopefiend days. (so sad) It has been cold as Bitches Brew in the Nation's Capital for the past few days, but today we have lots of sunshine and it's supposed to go all the way up to 48 degrees! (insert sarcastic smiley)
This was a doozy of a week. I had a paper due for my Thursday night class so I have been a little incognegro. Thanks to everyone who read as I vented about my student and his mom. I tell you! You want to see the ills of society? Then become a teacher!
Let's get right to this week's DC Shine. I think I will do two because I am in such a good mood.
Here we go...
This is for my fellow Old Schoolers. Most folk won't even remember my girl, but she had a few hits back in the day. Tell me you remember Love on a Two Way Street and Perfect Combination! She even had a few duets with fellow hometowner, Johnny Gill. Stacie Lattisaw is one of DC's own. She represents for my neck of the woods, Northeast. My mom even went to school with her sisters. I remember vividly that one of them was nicknamed Pig (how mean). I believe that she still lives in the area and is now a born-again Christian a la Pebbles and Vanity. Obscure music fact: Sean "Puffy" Combs was a back up dancer in one of her videos in the early 90s.
Next up we have one of my favorite comedians. He needs no real introduction. Everyone knows Marty Mar! Martin Lawrence was born in Germany, as his parents were in the service. However, he was raised in the Washington, DC area. Martin grew up in Landover, MD, right down the street from Fedex Field, where the Redskins currently play. Go and check out his new movie, Big Momma's House 2, this weekend.
I'm sure I'll be around this weekend. Grades are due Monday, but I am sure I will post at least once. You all have a safe, relaxing weekend.
I couldn't find the correct pic for that fool of a chick, Hottie from the Flava of Love show. However, when I do find it, I will put it up. (and if anyone has one that shows her mess of a weave, please share)
I know that it is only Tuesday, but I need to vent again. This time it is about one of my students and his mother. I absolutely hate weak ass parents!!! Especially those raising black male children!!! Because this is the internet and you never know who is reading what and where, I will change the names. We will call the student Snuffy (for Snuffalupacus sp?) and his mother Ms. Simpleton. Well this is the second year that I have had Snuffy as a student. He is extremely bright, but extremely lazy. Underachiever could be this brother's middle name. He is the type of child who just puts forth little to no effort. With no effort he gets Bs and Cs, so the sky could be the limit if he tried. Snuffy is 14 years old and was retained (held back) in the 4th grade before coming to my school. Ms. Simpleton has been trying to get him declared Special Ed. for the past 4 years, while at the same time she has been trying to get us to promote him to his correct grade. She believes that he is ADHD. He has been tested by DC Public Schools 3 times. Each time they have said that he doesn't qualify for SPED services. But she is still pushing for it. Now, Snuffy's biggest problem is that he doesn't come to school. He skips sometimes twice a week. This is not a new problem because he did the same shit last year. I looked in his file and this boy has been skipping school since third grade. Ms. Simpleton wants to blame it on his disability, but doctors and evaluators have said that this child DOES NOT have a disability. Now here is why I need to vent before I scream:
This is how Snuffy skips according to his mama. She wakes him up. He moves very slowly and takes his time to get ready. When she is ready to walk out the door, he is almost ready. She goes to the car and waits for him to come out. 15 minutes go by and Snuffy is still not out of the house. Ms. Simpleton goes back in and he is laying on the floor or back in the bed. She tells him to get up and leaves him there because she can't be late for work. Instead of catching the bus like she told him to do, he stays at home and plays video games and watches tv all day. Now be reminded, this is straight from Ms. Simpleton's mouth. Have you ever heard of a child so bold that they say fuck it, I'll just skip at home???? and on a regular basis????
So when I ask Ms. Simpleton why she won't just make him leave out the door to get in the car when she does, she says, "I can't make him get in the car, Miss M. I can't just push him in the car. He's too big." So I'm thinking to myself that this is all very interesting. He's not bigger than her, but she can't make him get in the car. You all have to understand that I am shocked as shit now because I have never heard of a situation where the child is in complete and total control. Now I may have read about some shit like this, or saw something like it on tv. But in real life, hell no! Shit like that just never happened with the folks who raised me. How can a child dictate to his parent what he will and will not do????
So Ms. Simpleton admits that she is not much of a disciplinarian. So I ask if he is punished when he skips school. Ms. Simpleton says that she takes his video games and tv away, but he goes and gets them. She has even sent them to a neighbor's apartment, but has awakened to him playing the game at 3 o'clock in the morning. Okay, hold the fuck up!!! You take the shit out of the apartment and he has the audacity to go and bring it back in and play the shit?!?!?! Big muthafuckin' balls if you ask me!!! Ms. Simpleton is basically like she doesn't know what to do. It's his "disability". And get this, she wants us (his teachers) to allow him to make up work when he skips because she believes that he skips because of his "disability". WTF????? How many times are these people going to tell your simple ass that your son DOES NOT have a disability??? But then, how are you going to tell me the whole story of him skipping and then ask me (with a straight face) to act like I didn't know that he was home playing Socom 3???? You must have a fuckin' disability!!!
Now I understand that everyone doesn't believe in corporal punishment and that's cool too. If you raise them right, you shouldn't have to beat the hell out of them. However, I must say that if he was my child - that ass would have been mine the first time he stayed home from school. Even if you are not into spanking or physical punishment, children still need to understand that their are consequences for negative behavior. That is what enrages me about this! 1 out of 4 black males in the US is some how tied up in the criminal justice system. In DC, that statistic is 1 in 2. That's half! It is dangerous for a young black male to think that he can get away with doing whatever he wants to do. Shit! I'm grown and I can't do whatever the fuck I want to do, whenevr I want to do it without consequences. Plus, I am pissed that she can't see that is why he does it - because he can get away with it. That is just human behavior. We do what we know works; whatever we can get away with.
Now, I know that I have chick, nor child so maybe I'm a little off with this. If you think I am not looking at this correctly, feel free to pull me up. If you have children, please comment and if you have suggestions please share them. Ms. Simpleton is looking to me for help with this and I have not a clue b/c I think she is the real problem.
I don't want to spoil it because I know most of you haven't seen this week's Flava in Love, but I am watching this shit right now. What the fuck is up with this chick Hottie, the trick that said that her friends tell her that she looks like Beyonce (bitch puhleeeeese)??? This girl takes the muthafuckin' cake!!! I have never seen a weave as bad as the one that this chick has on national tv!!! Now you will see some fucked up weaves when you venture into certain parts of the city. BUT DAMN!!! Maybe it's not even a weave. Maybe it's a wig that she decided to butcher and grease down like a fuckin' pig. I don't know. All I know is I haven't seen shit like this in a while. I am going to search for a picture of this fool ass gal. You have too see this shit to believe it.
Now as for Flav, I won't comment just yet as to not give away too many details. But I might have to add this nignog to my Coons for Cash list. This shit is definitely crazy, half past hilarious and quite riniggalous! We won't even go into how these grown ass black women are acting the plum ass fool on national TV. All I'll say for now is You's a simple bitch, to evah think, that you could cook a damn raw ass, whole chicken in a microwave.
I hope everyone is having a good weekend. I need a little blog therapy today, so bare with me. I found out some shit that really disturbs me. Let me share it with y'all, and y'all tell me what you think. Okay, first you will need a little background info. My father's ex-wife (we'll call her J) and I are real cool. We weren't always cool, however. When I was younger and she was married to my father I couldn't stand her ass because she was mean as fuck. She resented me for being my father's child from another woman, and she also felt that I got more shine from our family members than her children. But now that I am no longer a threat to her or her children because she is no longer with my father, shit is all good. Well J is 41 y/o. She has a decent gov't. job, but she has $$$ problems. Every, and when I say every I mean EVERY, place that she has rented in the past 15 years (no exaggeration) has ended in her getting evicted or moving right before they got evicted. She is one of those people who will get her hair or nails done or go on a trip with her rent money. Well J used to be a member of a very small Pentacostal church, where the members were so close that they were like extended family members to one another. One of the members has a daughter who is my age. We will call her Ty. Now Ty has four children that she doesn't live with and rarely sees. As a matter of fact, one of her children's fathers took her on talk show for being such a sorry ass mom. Ty is basically a hood ass chick who spends her time chasing men and chasing ways to come up on $$$. She doesn't have a job, but will occasionally do hair for a little bit of cash. Well Ty has been living with J for the past six weeks. Ty is messing with some guy named Tony. Tony asks Ty if she can find someone who can cash a few money orders that he has come up on. Ty asks J if she can cash them because J belongs to a credit union. J obliges and cashes the money orders to the tune of $11,000, over two separate transactions. Now the shocker, especially to J, is the money orders were stolen! (insert stupid ass, shocked smiley here LOL) J's credit union calls her out on it a week later. She tells them that she was cashing them for someone else, but all she knows is that the person's name is Tony. J asks Ty for Tony's info, but Ty says that all she knows is that his name is Tony and that she doesn't know how to get in contact with him. So basically, J is the only one who is going down for the crime. And now get this, she saw ZERO dollars from the whole deal. She was arrested on her good gov't. job on Friday for the deed.
Now, once again, I need to know if it's just me. How in the hell could any grown ass person with half a brain not know that the money orders were stolen?!?!?! Why would they need a total stranger to cash them if everything was legit??? OK, and then to know that you are behind in your rent and you don't get a damn thing for putting your ass on the line????? Now that is some stupid ass shit. J, of course, is now crying "woe is me". Every time I try to help somebody ....yadda...yadda....yadda And this is the killer for me. Ty's shit is still in J's house. She is actually still letting the girl live with her! Fucking amazing!!! Now this bitch is going to sit back and let you go down for some shit and you will still let her stay in your house damn near rent free????
Now people who know me tease me for being a little prissy, "proper" speaking, and occasionally a snob. But don't get it twisted. Hood shit is always around me because of my family/extended family. I can't escape it! And it helps to keep me grounded and focused. I have grown to love J, but it is highly unlikely that she will ever rise because she just doesn't think. She ALWAYS partcipates in the game that plays herself! This is just one of many Dumb Ass J stories. I'll have to share a few others with you guys.
D- Said It@ ::
10:25 AM ::
1 Said Something About It
Happy Friday to ya! Feelin' good, feelin' great, how are you? I am so glad that the weekend is upon us. I live for the weekend!!! Every single radio station in DC and B-more that is marketed to the urban crowd between the ages of 10 and 50 has been talking about Cam'ron's Jay-Z dis song. If you are not familiar with it and you care, stop be Eskay's and check it out.
I am a loyal fan to President Carter so you can pretty much fill in the blanks for what I think about Mr. Giles' new publicity stunt. I did find something interesting involving J on You Tube (my new favorite place), however. I may be late, but I had never seen this. I wonder why it never made it into mainstream existence. Maybe it reveals too much about his personal relationships. I would love to hear what others think.
Check it out:
NOTE: Stop the music video in the sidebar before you attempt to play this.
Also, you guys know that it is Friday, so I must give a little Shine to my city. It's DC Shine time....
Edward Kennedy "Duke" Ellington was born in Washington, D.C. on April 29th, 1899. Duke got his first job selling peanuts at Washington Senator’s baseball games. He even attended Armstrong Manual Training School to study commercial art instead of going to an academics-oriented school. Quick history lesson for you young heads: During the time of Jim Crow or segregation, if you were black in DC you could only attend Armstrong or Dunbar. He left the city in 1923 to move to New York and pursue a career in music that would eventually make him famous. The name of his band was even the Washingtonians. Duke passed away in 1974. Not long after his death, a high school patterned after the hit movie Fame was named in his honor. This school would go on to produce many other famous talents such as Dave Chappelle.
Well there you have it and there you go. Have a wonderful Friday and a restful weekend.
Hey everyone who stops by and reads! Extra special love to Tam for her success in the campaign to get me a few readers (thanks to her blog fam, as well). I won't even tell y'all my bloghate story. But, I've experienced a little shade in this blog game. LOL! It's just really nice to know that there are actually real, cool ass people in cyberspace.
Class was cool last night. I have another one tonight. I am very excited! When I first started my blog, (as if anyone was reading it then haha) I mentioned that I had started a new venture at work but I didn't really go into it. Well, in November I started a mentoring group for 7th grade girls. I had the pleasure of having my seventh graders last year when they were 6th graders and I noticed that this year the girls were a mess! It was drama damn near every day. So my plan for this group was to give them a safe place to discuss issues that affect them as pre-teen/teenage (some of them are 14) girls. Well the BIG boss (my principal's boss) notices the success of the group and offers me a position as the Director of Counseling and Student Support Services for our entire region of schools right before Winter break. She tells me that she wants me to start the position in September and that all I need to do is enroll in a Master's program and be working toward licensure. Now, it's important to mention that I have been itching to do something outside of the classroom. This is my 6th year as a teacher and I worked on a Master's in curriculum to be either a vice principal or a curriculum leader. That was kinda my plan for myself, but I wasn't sure how or when it was going to play out. Opportunities for those positions in my school weren't looking hopeful. But I didn't want to just up and leave because I actually like where I work, plus I make a healthy bit more than the average teacher working where I work. I already make what a vice principal earns in the surrounding school districts.
It's also important to know that I am what people call a "go-getter". I am the type of person that sets a goal and works relentlessly until it is accomplished. That has definitely gotten me to where I am today. So, in my mind, I'm really working hard to shine so that the bosses will at least make me a curriculum leader or mentor teacher or something. But, no one really said anything that made me believe that it would happen any time soon. So, I took my Nana'a advice and continued to bloom where I was planted. Well, out of the blue comes this opportunity and I really feel like it is straight from The Creator because I had no hand in it! The next day, after being offered the position, I call Trinity and the admissions secretary tells me that they are having an Open House on January 5th. I'm like cool! I'll still be on vacation then, so I'll definitely go. Well I call to confirm on the 4th and they tell me the 5th is actually Instant Admission Day. All I need is my transcript. Plus, they waive the application fee on that special day! Well, I went and was admitted and registered all in the same day. I was there all of 20 minutes (LOL for the non-HBCU experience). Remember, this ALL took place in less than 2 weeks! Okay, before I end this I'm going to get deep on you guys for a minute.
If you read my 102 Things about myself, you will see that growing up I never thought about becoming a teacher. I didn't make that decision until the second semester of my sophomore year in college. My childhood was slightly fucked up so I knew that I wanted to have a job that would have a great impact on improving the lives of children. I thought about the people who really helped to make me what I am and I thought about my teachers in 4th, 5th, and 6th grade. I even lived with my 4th grade teacher for 13 months. Shit was ridiculously crazy at home and mom sent me to school with a note asking if I could stay with her for two weeks and two weeks turned into a year and a month. So, I knew that in that position, I could definitely give back and support a child the way that I was supported. I went through a lot as a young child and adolescent and I am starting to believe that every single thing was for a greater purpose. Maybe all of the tears and all of the pain and hurt was so that I could use it to help somebody else! Maybe being a counselor is what my life's work is supposed to be! I know, it's a little dramatic for so early in the morning, but maybe I can help to make sure that another one of our 5th graders doesn't end up like the young lady I blogged about the other day.
Well, it's time to actually get some work done. I hope everyone who reads this has a wonderful day! I'll holla lata...
D- Said It@ ::
7:17 AM ::
2 Said Something About It
Well my trip to Trinity's financial aid office was wonderful. I was up in that piece all of 20 minutes and that is because there were 3 people in front of me when I got there! To top it off, they had computer terminals set up in the hallway to assist students with the registration/financial aid process. Some of you are probably thinking what is so great about that. Well you, my friends, must have never stood in a financial aid or registration line for 2 hours. I have and that shit is no walk in the park.
Anyway...I am a little down because I found out that a student in my school is pregnant. She is 11 years old, y'all. Just thinking about it really makes me sick to my stomach. Her mother is also pregnant. She has decided to have and keep the baby because, in her words I ain't givin' my baby to no stranger. Now, I think it is important that I let you know that she is 11, but academically and maturity wise she is like 8 years old. She is currently repeating the 5th grade. I can't even really express how I feel about this right now. It's just too much! I played Tupac's Brenda's Got a Baby as a warm-up song for my students before Christmas. Today, one of my little girls said, Ms. M-, we got us a girl like that girl in that Tupac song at our school. I didn't believe her until an administrator told me. Now I have to help with damage control to make sure that it doesn't get all over the school. Teaching is a hard job, period. But when you actually care, it is truly divine work.
Thanks to P I now have some of my favorite music videos on my blog!! She has wonderful ones on hers (like Al B. Sure) so I used my planning period to get it on mine. They will only be old school videos because most of the mess that comes out today is a S.H.A.M. and I love to reminisce.
I will post more tonight when I get home. I start back to school tomorrow so I have to go visit the financial aid office tonight. I am looking forward to my first financial aid experience at a non-HBCU. This should be fun! I bet I will be there for less than 30 minutes, but we shall see. As a matter of fact, my best friend told me that this is the first and last time that I will have to actually go to the office. Next time, I will be able to do everything online. Wow! You mean no long ass lines and hassles?!?! I am not knocking HBCUs, for I am a proud graduate of the very first! However, anyone who has attended one knows how things can be when it comes down to the business.
I found this on You Tube. Oh this brings back memories! This was out when I was a senior in high school and I didn't have a care in the world. This was back when things were just a bit simpler. It was before this watered down, cookie cutter commercial bullshit was all the rage. Before 9/11 and George W. fuckin' Bush's ass. Before bills and jobs that you have to get up early as shit for. Basically, this was before grown woman shit!
The times just seemed to be happier. Look at Big and J! Everybody is pissy drunk with bottles in their hands. Niggas are two steppin' and damn near forgetting the words. A good time was being had by all! Check out how humble J was back then! And the best part, to me as a HUGE fan of both, is the love between the two of them that you get to see at the end. J hollas out Bad Boy while Big hollas back Rocafella. How sweet! (and I hate that no homo shit so act like you know, please!) I'm only biggin' up my brother, biggin' up my borough. I'm big enough to do it. I'm that thorough! This kinda represents where NY hip hop was at the time. It's so authentic and doesn't appear to be on some forced commercial collabo type of shit. It's just mad love between two greats.
RIP Christopher Wallace. You continue to live on through the music.
D- Said It@ ::
12:18 AM ::
4 Said Something About It
1. I am an Aries. 2. I am strong headed like most Aries. 3. I am my parents' oldest child. 4. They were both 16 years old when they had me. 5. I was born on Palm Sunday. 6. I was born in NE DC. 7. I was speaking in sentences by age 2. (according to Mom) 8. I learned to read at age 3. 9. I started kindergarten at age 4. 10. I graduated high school at age 17. 11. I went to a different school every year until the 5th grade. 12. When I was four I wanted to be a picture girl (model, but that's what I called it then). 13. By 8, I wanted to be an actress. 14. By 10, I wanted to be a radio dj. 15. The beginning of high school brought me back to acting. 16. I attended Duke Ellington School of the Arts for 9th and 10th grade. 17. I started as a theater major. 18. I left as a literary media major. (It was back to radio) 19. By 11th grade, I wanted to be a doctor. 20. I transferred to a high school that had a better reputation for academics. 21. I always liked boys as I can remember liking them as far back as third grade. 22. I was a little grown (mature), but I wasn't fast. (i.e. I wasn't having sex or any shit like that) 23. The line between having a mother who was a mother and mother who was like a big sister/girlfriend was very thin. 24. I never really hung with people who were my age. 25. They were always a grade or two ahead of me. 26. The best boyfriend I ever had was my boyfriend both in 6th grade and 12th grade. 27. There have been some good ones after him, but there really hasn't been one to top him. 28. We never had sex. 29. I was the last of my friends to lose my virginity, but I was still very young. 30. I was 15. ( lost it to not have sex again for 3 years) 31. He was 19. (too old, but I was a little mature) 32. I pray for if I have a daughter. Lord let her wait longer than I did. 33. I have never been pregnant or had any diseases, including childhood ones like chicken Pox. 34. I am blessed! 35. And highly favored! 36. I learned to snap my fingers when I was 4. 37. It happened when I was in the car coming from my great-great grandmother's (Big Mama) funeral 38. I have never forgotten that. 39. I have a pretty good memory. 40. I'm good for remembering obscure facts and details, especially about music. 41. Sometimes I think that gets on people's nerves. 42. That kinda makes me laugh. 43. This is harder than I thought it would be. 44. I was an only child until I was 4. 45. Both my parents had their second child the same year. (One in Jan., the other in Jun.) 46. I have long hair that is all mine. 47. I am 5'4. 48. I am overweight, but I'm working on it. 49. I lost 45lbs. last year. 50. I gained a ridiculous amount of weight from the birth control drug, Depo Provera. 51. My weight used to be a major issue for me. 52. Once I freed myself from that shit I lost weight! 53. People are mean when you are fat. 54. Especially when you weren't always fat. 55. One of the worst comments came from my well meaning grandmother. 56. She said, "as beautiful as you are you could be a model, if you hadn't gotten so fat. 57. Of course it hurt. 58. I have never told her that. 59. I acted like it didn't. 60. But, I heard those same sentiments from about 100 other well-meaning people (Girl, you big but you a pretty big girl or D, if you lost like 50 lbs., you'd really be the shit) 61. In my family, being old gives you a pass to say whatever the fuck you want to. 62. Physical appearance is very important to my family. 63. I come from some vain muthafuckas. 64. Especially my mom. 65. When I was at my heaviest, I think my family looked at my weight as a curse or some shit. 66. They were like,"you've got everything else in the world going for you girl, but ya fat. Damn!" (They didn't use those exact words to say that, but you know what I'm sayin'.) 67. They didn't mean to be hurtful. 68. I always acted like what they said didn't hurt. 69. But sometimes it did. 70. I didn't lose weight until I made it up in my mind to absolutely do it for myself and myself only. 71. I gained the weight in college. 72. I am the first person in my immediate family to graduate from college. 73. I am named for my father. 74. His name is Dion. 75. I have dimples. (One on each cheek of my face) 76. I also have a few freckles and moles. 77. I'm honey brown complexioned so they don't stand out as much as they would if I was lighter. 78. People tell me I look Dominican or mixed with something Latin, but I'm really not (my mom is Puerto Rican and black.). 79. Jubb likes to call me Little Mexican. 80. He is a silly ass. 81. Jubb is my fiance'. 82. I met him in August of 1993. 83. Dolly My Baby by Supercat ft. Biggie was the Hot Knock back then. 84. See there goes an obscure relation to music. 85. Music is life to me. 86. I associate things with songs. 87. I could think of a song for every day or event in my life (and other people's lives, too) 88. I act like I am SuperStrong Black Woman, but I am honestly very sensitive. 89. I am also particularly sensitive to other people's feelings. 90. I am forgiving to a fault. 92. However, forgiveness for me is usually a scab on the wound, meaning it seems all good on the surface. 93. But the scab can be ripped off easily. You fuck up and we have a fresh wound. 94. I am working on learning to truly forgive. 95. I haven't spoken to or seen my father in about 2 years. 96. I really don't want to talk to him either. 97. I am also loyal sometimes to a fault. 98. My mother and I are building a relationship. 99. I have always loved to dance. 100.I am very determined to succeed no matter what. 101.I can't stand cigarette or cigar smoke, but don't mind the smell of weed smoke. 102.I once won a dance/lip syncing contest performing Janet Jackson's Nasty Boys and Donnie Simpson was the host.
D- Said It@ ::
5:55 PM ::
2 Said Something About It
I finally took my butt to sleep and I am now watching Flavor of Love on VH1, which is some ridiculous shit. It's too effin' funny and very sad all at the same time! I need to take my ass downstairs and get on the treadmill. But I'm really not feeling it at this exact moment. I will get on it today, however. I might just do 20 minutes on the weight machine too. Shit! Why not start the week off on the good foot? I gained a lot of ground last year as it pertains to fitness. I am trying to train myself to become a runner. Jubb even bought me a treadmill for Christmas to help with that endeavor.
I am in much better spirits today, although my SKINS were not able to pull through (Boo Whoo!) If my current thoughts and feelings were a movie, MJB's About You would be playing in the background. Jubb is at work. I think that I will cook a nice dinner so that we can sit down and talk this evening. It's definitely time that we clear the air. We really do love each other too much to carry on the way we have been. Anyway...I think that I will step out and run a few errands for a minute. Then, it's off to the basement.
I will probably post once more before the day is over. Have a wonderful Sunday!
D- Said It@ ::
12:36 PM ::
1 Said Something About It
Somebody slap me and send my ass to bed. Today is a special day for us girls who wear 20 pearls! If you are a part of our fellowship sincere and rare, Happy Founders' Day! 98 and counting! If you have no idea what I am talking about, then don't worry about it.
You all know that I love to joke about The Chil'ren. Look what I found on You Tube. It's old, but it's still very effin' funny. Click the pic to play. Let me know what you all think.
So I have been home all day reading blogs. I really need to get a life, but I have a slight case of the blues. So it feels good to lounge on my couch with my laptop and an entertaining blog. Today I found a new favorite blog in That Girl Tam. It was just what the doctor ordered for me. This just may be the best non-music or gossip based blog that I have read on the net. Her posts are so real and so easy for me to relate. I really appreciate her honesty. That is what I crave from the universe as of late.
Jubb and I have been beefin' for the last three days. We had a major fight the other night and needless to say my mood has been affected by it ever since. Love is really hard, especially when you haven't had examples of what it's really supposed to look and be like. His parents have been married for over 30 years. I know for a fact that all of those years haven't been happy, but they come from the old school of thought that you make it work for the sake of the family. I, on the other hand, don't have any real examples. My parents were never married and were never able to sustain healthy long term relationships. Most of my examples of what a relationship/marriage should be like come from tv and movies. I know I am not by myself. Many women, especially Black women, are trying to achieve that Cliff & Claire Huxtable type of love. But is that shit real? Did we ever see them have a real argument? That shit can definitely lead to a skewed sense of reality and lead to unrealistic expectations. Y'all don't hear me - In real life, making love work for the long haul IS SOME HARD ASS SHIT!
Some days it is really hard to get along with Jubb and that is hard for me because I pride myself on being able to get along with just about anybody, for the most part. Damn it! My line name was Miss Congeniality.Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy! Sometimes he can be really sweet! When the times are good, they are REAL GOOD. I have known him since I was 14 years old. We have been in this relationship for over 5 years. I love him so much, and I know that he loves me, but he is just not the easiest person to get along/live with. That nignog is a moody muthafucka and I have trouble with people like that. Most of the time, his mood swings have nothing to do with me, yet because I am the closest person to him, I get the brunt of them. The problem is, I am a person who needs consistency. It is definitely one of my issues. I didn't have very much of it as a child, so when I don't have it now, I am revisited by those old fucked up feelings. I have known this about him for years, so I don't know why I let it upset me so much and that makes me frustrated with myself. But the problem is, sometimes when he gets into his little moods, that nigga can be plain old mean, and underneath the facade of being confident and having it all together, I am a Sensitive Susie. Sometimes that shit really hurts, which makes me feel like a cream puff and pissed off that the shit basically only happens when it comes to him. I hate being so vulnerable! Damn it, love!
Our major issue is that we just don't communicate well. Things were better when we didn't live with one another. When that nigga would get his period, I would just go to my spot. In most cases, no more than two days would go by, and shit would be all good. But living together is a whole other situation. We became cohabitants this past October, shortly after our engagement. We both work hellacious schedules in stressful environments, so when we get home we are both very tired and stressed. This makes it very difficult to be an effective communicator. Sometimes neither one of us has the energy to truly deal. Did I mention that we have different living habits? He can be downright trifling sometimes, and I refuse to be anyone's fucking maid. You wanna see an unhappy D? Leave dishes and food on the table OVERNIGHT or leave the kitchen or bathrooom dirty. It has gotten to where I don't even say anything about it anymore. My attitude says it all, and I know that's not cool, but I'm tired of talking. I feel like some men complain about women and nagging and shit, but they do the same shit over and over again and expect different results. That shit is lame!
So mix all of this together and you can see why sometimes I wish I still had my own place. 20 minutes ago he walked in with flowers. Guess he picked him up while he was out to get his game snacks (Go Skins!) Of course, he won't apologize with his mouth. I think he bought the flowers so that they could do it for him. I guess that means that he no longer wants to war. I really love this negro! I have never felt this way about anyone in my life. I just want some fucking peace. I really appreciate having this blog to get this mess out. I also appreciate anyone who takes the time to read as I bitch and moan about my love life. I feel a lot better just getting this shit out. I don't talk to anyone about our troubles because I don't want to put bad PR out there when I am not truly clear about how I feel about the situation. That is when well meaning friends and relatives can convince you to do some shit that you may regret later. I learned that lesson already. It's time for premarital counseling any way since we have set a date for the wedding. I remain hopeful!
Got to get ready for the game! I'll be in touch tomorrow.
D- Said It@ ::
4:06 PM ::
3 Said Something About It
It has been a minute since I have been able to do a new post. Blogger didn't even load the posts I did while I was on break, so it looked like I wasn't posting anything new. Anyway...things have been very busy lately. I went back to work this past Monday. I actually missed my students and am glad to see them. I do miss sleeping in, though.
Today is Friday, so I feel like a little DC Shine. However, I only have time for one. So here we go...
One of my top 5 favorite tv shows is HBO's The Wire. One of last season's actors (Season 3) is a local celebrity, and he was one before he landed a role on the show. If you watch the show and are not from DC, you may know him as Slim Charles. Folk from home know him as Gingus or Big G, leader and upfront man of the Go-Go band, Backyard. Everyone from the city knows that he holds it down for Hobart, which is in NW, which we locals like to call Uptown. I cannot tell y'all how happy I am to see him doing his thing. He was even a lead in Vivian Green's video for Gotta Go Gotta Leave. Not to mention, he hosts a radio show on a local radio station here in DC, which really helps to advance the Go-Go movement. I remember way back in the day getting off of the 70 bus on Georgia Ave. and seeing him talking on the pay phone outside many times (you were hustling if you had the luxury of an expensive ass cell phone back then). I even remember going to a few BYB (Back Yard Band) shows where everyone was pissed because he wasn't there because he was locked up. The brotha has truly come a long way and I am proud for him!
Sometimes a Breakthrough Can Give You A Reality Check
Greetings! I am soooooooo loving Mary's new CD, The Breakthrough. I was so pressed that I bought it at 8 o'clock am the day it came out. Damn I love Itunes! No lines and no hassles! I can't stop listening to it. It's so Grown Ass Woman. I'm sure that I will blog more on it in the future so stay tuned.
I feel the need to be honest with myself and with the rest of the world. There is no way in hell that I will be able to do a DC Shine every Friday! What in the hell told me I could?!?! I already told y'all that sometimes I get caught up in the blog hype and forget that I work a full time job that requires me to work 10 to 12 hour days. Not to mention that I will be back in school starting January 17th, working on a second master's degree. I will be doing extremely well if I post at all!
Y'all know that I am Blog-Challenged. I put work into putting up my little pics! I have to find what I am looking for, then find a way to get it on blogger and pray that it comes out looking decent. A post with more than 2 pics could take me almost an hour! That is why I really admire blogs that are creative and aesthetically pleasing. I call them professional blogs and I mean that as a compliment. My shit looks like a novice did it, but it's okay because fuck it- that's what I am!
I really do enjoy blogging, though. So, I am committed to posting at least once a week unless I absolutely just can't. With all of that said, there will be no DC Shine on Friday because Jubb and I are going out of town.
D- Said It@ ::
4:46 PM ::
0 Said Something About It
Cheers! Blogger has been tripping, so posting hasn't been fun. I'm still on vacation until next Monday, however, so I can't complain too much about anything. Being off has allowed me to sit at home and catch up on blog reading. I have even started writing a book!
Well almost everyone and their mama has done a Best/ Worst of '05 list. Here's mine. NOTE: I am using December 20, 2004 - December 20th, 2005 as cut-off dates. Yes I was pressed to include the new Mary cd.
Noteworthy Albums of 2005 (in no particular order)
1. The Breakthrough - Mary J. Blige I am a true Mary fan, so I have been waiting for this one. Classic already!
2. The Emancipation of Mimi - Mariah Carey Although I began to tire of the overplayed singles and the constant need to remix and recut, I can't front. For the first month of its release, I was on it! It's actually a very, very good album. The best songs haven't been released as singles (and hopefully they won't be). One of my favorites is Your Girl.
3. Late Registration - Kanye West I bought it the first day that it came out and I wasn't disappointed. My Way Home, Addiction and We Major are still on heavy ro.
4. The Minstrel Show - Little Brother Excellent album! There are people who still know what real hip hop is. I can't get enough of Not Enough.
5. Album II - Kem Kem is the shit! At least once a week, I begin my day with this one. It's so calming to the soul and spirit.
6. The Love Experience - Raheem DeVaughn Great first album! I like this brother's style and voice. You will be listed on my top singles/songs of '05.
7. Vivian - Vivian Green Love it! Good sophomore release. A little angry, but very real. Vivian is an excellent writer, plus she can sing.
8. The Cookbook - Missy I actually really liked this cd; especially, when it was time to get on the treadmill.
9. Be - Common Now that's the Common that I know and love! I don't know what the fuck was going on with that Electric Circus shit. Testify was my shit from the first listen.
10. Illumination - Earth, Wind & Fire Classic Elements! Ain't a damn thing changed! I am not sure why Matthew (Knowles; they are on Sanctuary Records) didn't promote this one more. It's a very good album.
Noteworthy Singles/Songs of 2005 (in no particular order)
1. You - Raheem DeVaughn I Absolutely L-O-V-E everything about this song. It's so sexy! This is definitely one for the Love Mix.
2. Show Me the Way - Earth, Wind, & Fire w/ Raphael Saadiq I am a fan of both EWF and Ray Ray, so I knew this was going to be the jam even before I heard it. Very sexy, as well!
3. Forever, For Always, For Love - Lalah Hathaway I am such a fan of this young lady and her voice. This was on a tribute album for Luther. I am usually very hesitant when it comes to Luther remakes, but she kinda made it her own for a second.
4. Free Yourself - Fantasia 'Tasia did it with this one. The best song on the album in my opinion!
5. Still On It - Ashanti I'm usually not a fan, but I love this song. It's mostly the beat, which is sick! Plus, I loves me some Meth.
6. Supastar - Floetry & Common Such a sweet song! The words are beautiful and the beat is nice.
7. Oh - Ciara & Ludacris Still my shit! Luda rips it on this one! I don't know why people don't care for Ciara because I think that she is talented. She is not a singer in the least bit, but I think she has the potential to be an excellent entertainer a la Janet Jackson, her idol.
8. It'sHard Out Here for a Pimp - DJ (From the movie Hustle & Flow) I could not get this simple song out of my head. It's so catchy!
9. Lighters Up - Lil' Kim This kinda reminded me of Hard to Earn Kim. Hot beat, too!
10. ASAP - T.I. My students and I all liked this one. The horns in the beginning hooked me. I love T.I.'s swagger on this one, too.
11. I'm a Hustla - Cassidy & Mary J. Blige Was there a version before the remix with Mary? Because once she blessed it the other version no longer existed for me.
12.Looking for You - Kirk Franklin I really like this. It's inspirational and upbeat.
13. Victory - Yolanda Adams Love the beat and the words! Yolanda rarely goes wrong.
14. Still Tippin' - Slim Thug, Mike Jones & Paul Wall This was one of the best beats of '05! The strings are haunting!
15. Golddigger - Kanye West 'Ye had me from the very first time I heard it. The chorus could be my part-time theme song. By the time the radio got a hold of it I was about through, though.
You Have Got to be Fu*king Kidding Me Songs/Albums/People/Events of 2005
1. Bluestars - Pretty Ricky Who the fuck signed these clowns?!?! Somebody at Atlantic Records needs to be fired. These m-f-ers can't even talk, let alone sing or rap! Did anyone see them when they were on Direct Effect on MTV this past summer? Even Clue was looking at them like Y'all are some ignorant muthafuckas.
2.D4L as a whole I have only really heard Laffy Taffy and the second single that is the same exact beat as Laffy Taffy. Again I ask, who the fuck signed these fools? I think they are somehow related to Iceage Entertainment since Mike Jones is all up in the video. Mike, it's definitely NOT a good look for you or your crew. D4L is a S.H.A.M. - a Shitty Hot Ass Mess! And to top it off, all of those niggas look old enough to know better.
3. Confessions of a Video Vixen - Karinne "Super Head" Steffans
Okay, I'll admit it. I bought and completed the book the first day it was available for purchase. Now I can't even tell you where the piece of trash is. I could do a whole post on this, but I'll save all of that for later. All I will say is...I really wish that some of these females out here would stop telling people that they sucked and fucked for money because their childhood was sooo bad. Save that shit for the birds! Be real! Admit that it was all about the cash! I know that abuse and neglect during the formative years can lead to low self esteem and problems, but sucking dick for cash or for free is a choice. Just tell the people that you decided to use what you've got to get what you've got.
4. Young Jeezy's Snowman It must be me! I just don't understand hip hop's fascination with the glorification of selling drugs. And I know that one of my favorite rappers made this shit popular. But his true fans know that his intent was not to glorify. Now everyone who wants to be him sold weight! Why brag about your participation in the destruction of people's lives?!?! Please remember that I am from DC, home of the infamous Rayful Edmond, the first person to go down with the Kingpin Laws. Not to mention, I was raised in DC in the 80s and 90s when Crack was being sold in an open-air drug market damn near on every corner. The people I know who moved weight, and I know more than a few, would never brag about that shit. Many of them started in the game because they saw it as a means of survival. A few got caught up in the game (i.e. addicted to the lifestyle). However, most of them wanted out. They either worked to flip it into a real business or they ran for their lives to escape that shit. We won't even mention the ones who never made it out because they were either killed or sent to prison. None of them ever wore a fucking t-shirt that read I Got That Work. At least my favorite rapper told both sides of the story. People who really "put in work" know the horrors of that occupation and would never symbolize it with a jolly fucking snowman. NOTE: Yeah, I'm sensitive about this shit! I have seen Crack/drugs destroy and/or devastate the lives of many friends and family members on both sides of the coin, meaning some from selling them and some from using them. I am the product of not one, but two parents who got caught up in that shit. So I know about the so-called joys that come along with that lifestyle, and I damn sure know about the pains.
5. What would this list be without Curtis "50 Cent worth of Coon" Jackson?!?! This negro thinks that he and GW Bush have a lot in common and he is proud about it! 50 says: Massa' I wanna be just like you. I'm not tryin' to be like the rest of those niggers. You and me, we the best Massa'.
This negro says that he doesn't know where Kanye was coming from when he said his now infamous George Bush doesn't care about black people! 50 says: Massa' I'own know what dat nigger is talkin' bout.! He sayin' you don't care nothin 'bout no niggers. It's not that you don't like niggers. You just don't like them po' ass niggers.
This negro even went as far to say that he thought that the government tried its best to help the victims of the disaster in New Orleans! 50 says: Massa' you sho' do treat dem niggers good. Dey should be grateful for the table scraps you so good to give 'em. Dem niggers always beggin'. You do so much already, Massa'. You ain't got to do nothing else for dem niggers.
And to top it off, this negro thinks that parents should sit down with their kids and play violent video games! This time I SAY:If $$$ makes a muthafucka this delusional and out of touch with reality, then maybe I should start being thankful that I don't have too much.
4. Young Jeezy's Snowman
