Friday, February 17, 2006
Chaperonin'
Hey Folks! I've been a busy bee this week so I know I've been M.I.A. But I know that it is Friday so I should be posting a DC Shine, but I will probably post that later, if not tomorrow. I have a funny ass story that I want to share with y'all while I still remember that shit. It happened a week ago and I am just getting a chance to blog about it.
Last Friday the
eighth grade students at my school had a Valentine's D
ay dance and I served as a chaperone. I was basically there to keep the dick and ass grindin' to a minimum. Can I just tell y'all that this was some hilarious shit?!?! First, we'll start with the attire. Our school is very strict. We don't allow the kids to have any dances until they are in the eighth grade, what we call our "seniors". We also have a strict uniform policy. They only get to wear jeans three times a year for special occasions unless they have one of the top GPAs in the 7th or 8th grade. In addition, all students must have their shirts tucked in at all times. Girls can't wear earrings that are larger than one inch or wear any bracelets. Girls also are not allowed to wear high heels, make up, or what we like to call "Chubaka" boots (those are the huge wooly, furry winter boots that are ever so popular in our area now). 
All of the rules were suspended for the party, so you would have thought that we were hosting an All-Star Game after party. Now if your city has hosted an All-Star Game, or if you have attended any All-Star Game events in the last 6 years, you know what I am talking about: almost all of the women at the party look like they are on a video shoot. Well these 13 and 14 year old girls are no different from their big sisters, cousins, and mamas. They too were ready for the making of the video. There were stilettos, knee boots, fur coats, sunglasses, and more glitter and sequince than you could shake a stick at. Many also took advantaged of the opportunity and put on the biggest pair of Bamboo earrings that they could find in a store. There was even bright fushia eye shadow, turquoise eye shadow, and my personal favorite from back in the day - gold lipstick. I think the shades in the dark party were the funniest part to me. It's important to also note that the fly hairdos were in full effect. A few people didn't come to school on Friday because they had hair appointments. I fell out laughing when one little girl whined "It's too hot in here. My hair is getting ready to sweat back. I don't have a perm." Oh how I remember those days!I was just about to go into the dancing and the music, when I remembered something else. The dance started at 7 - way after 3:30, the time they were dismissed from the school day. Why did this fool of a boy come to the dance with a bookbag?? You know we are going 
to check your bag, simpleton!!!! Well this fool has in his bag 2 condoms: one strawberry flavored, the other banana; a bottle of baby oil; a pack if incense; and scented oils (this little nigga had him a bottle of Cush and a concoction called Thug Passion). I damn near died! I'm telling y'all! This dance was an event. These children had plans for this shit like it was the prom or something. Remember that they are 13 and 14. Well my vice principal asked him if he was planning to use the items that night and if so, with whom. He just had this dumb ass look on his face and she gave him back the bag with everything in it and told him to not use the condoms with the baby oil because it would make them ineffective. I was surprised she let that slide. In my head I thinking, damn they are really letting them run loose tonight. Her rationale was that she didn't want to be the reason that some girl may have ended up pregnant, so she let it slide.Ok,
now on to the music and the dancing. First of all, the dj was pretty good!!! He was probably the best I have heard at a school sponsored event - period. Every song he played was something that the kids like. Now this is the part of the dance where it really hit me that my ass is old! Now I know that I'm not even 30 yet, so some of you are thinking
bitch please, but I am old in that I am completely removed from what is considered "youth culture" today. I can't take this new "Snap Crap" shit that is out and they love it!!! They partied like it was 1999 when the dj played anything by D4L or The Franchise Boys. When "Lean With It, Rock With It" came on it was complete pandemonium. I thought somebody was going to snap their own damn head off dancing to the shit. Then there is a part of the dance when you throw your snap to someone else. Y'all have got to see this shit to really understand it. These nignogs would "throw it" to their friends who would then fall down on the floor and throw it back. Is this dance popular in other places? I think they do it on the video, but I am not sure if all the theatrics are actually a part of the dance or just some 'fabulous' shit that they have come up with.
Little Wayne's "Fireman" or whatever the fuck the song is called was also a big hit. All of them knew every entire word. And no need to even comment on Bow Wow's "Freshasimiz". Those girls love them some Bow Wow! As they are DC kids, of course they partied hard when the dj played go-go. Now being a DC girl myself I have no problems with go-go, but I couldn't even get with some of this new go-go. The dances are much wilder than they were when I was their age. All that hopping around and shit would have never been cute back in the day.
I also died laughing when Beyonce' and J's "Crazy in Love" came on because a large group of girls took over the
entire dance floor to perform the
entire video. And these girls were dead ass serious!!
Disclaimer: I'm getting ready to say something that could be viewed as a little mean...but oh well. There is a student who attends our school who is actually on the borderline of being mildly retarded according to her IQ score. She is a sweet girl. It is evident that she is a little slow from the very second that you meet her, but she's a slow girl who is the only person who doesn't know that she is slow. I know that sounds crazy, but she really doesn't know it. Most of her time is spent around people whose IQs are like maybe 5 to 10 points higher than hers so she doesn't have much to draw from. Anyway...We'll call her Taz. Well Taz knew every word of every song played at the dance and I thought that was funny because Taz has been known to head her paper with the name of the main character of the book that they are reading in reading class.
Example:
Character's Name - Jonas
Student's Real Name - Bianca Brown
Name Student Writes on Paper - Jonas Brown
Now never mind that Jonas is a boy and Bianca is a girl!!!
That's the type of shit Taz does, but she can break down "In My White Tee" Amazing! Maybe you have to be a
teacher to think that is funny. I don't know, but I am LMAO as I type this. The fact that she is serious when she does it cracks me up. Taz's outfit for the dance was also interesting. She is about 5'8 and probably weighs between 90 and 110 lbs. Very Olive Oil (Popeye's gal)! Taz wore gold cowboy boots, skin tight stretch jeans, a fitted white t-shirt with gold lettering that read "Cow Girl", and big (a la Jackie O) brown rhinestoned sunglasses. There was no one on planet Earth who could have told her that she was not the cutest thing up in the place!
All in all, the children had a great time and it was wonderful to see them enjoy themselves. I remember a few of my old school dances and I guess I was as excited back then as they were. I'm sure some of my teachers thought my outfits and hairstyles were ridiculous too.
D- Said It@ ::
11:24 AM ::
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ay dance and I served as a chaperone. I was basically there to keep the dick and ass grindin' to a minimum. Can I just tell y'all that this was some hilarious shit?!?! First, we'll start with the attire. Our school is very strict. We don't allow the kids to have any dances until they are in the eighth grade, what we call our "seniors". We also have a strict uniform policy. They only get to wear jeans three times a year for special occasions unless they have one of the top GPAs in the 7th or 8th grade. In addition, all students must have their shirts tucked in at all times. Girls can't wear earrings that are larger than one inch or wear any bracelets. Girls also are not allowed to wear high heels, make up, or what we like to call "Chubaka" boots (those are the huge wooly, furry winter boots that are ever so popular in our area now). 
to check your bag, simpleton!!!! Well this fool has in his bag 2 condoms: one strawberry flavored, the other banana; a bottle of baby oil; a pack if incense; and scented oils (this little nigga had him a bottle of Cush and a concoction called Thug Passion). I damn near died! I'm telling y'all! This dance was an event. These children had plans for this shit like it was the prom or something. Remember that they are 13 and 14. Well my vice principal asked him if he was planning to use the items that night and if so, with whom. He just had this dumb ass look on his face and she gave him back the bag with everything in it and told him to not use the condoms with the baby oil because it would make them ineffective. I was surprised she let that slide. In my head I thinking, damn they are really letting them run loose tonight. Her rationale was that she didn't want to be the reason that some girl may have ended up pregnant, so she let it slide.
teacher to think that is funny. I don't know, but I am LMAO as I type this. The fact that she is serious when she does it cracks me up. Taz's outfit for the dance was also interesting. She is about 5'8 and probably weighs between 90 and 110 lbs. Very Olive Oil (Popeye's gal)! Taz wore gold cowboy boots, skin tight stretch jeans, a fitted white t-shirt with gold lettering that read "Cow Girl", and big (a la Jackie O) brown rhinestoned sunglasses. There was no one on planet Earth who could have told her that she was not the cutest thing up in the place!